The Second Letter

2nd letter: What negative attitudes or mindsets can you warn about? What ways of thinking should be avoided? Why? Be sure to make analogies or use anecdotes to more clearly get your point across.

Keep in mind: Sentence Variety (alternating lengths/sentence openings--try not to always start the same way)
                      Sentence types (simple, compound, complex, compound-complex)
                   
and NOW: Use relative pronouns, participles, and prepositions to avoid repetitive sentences that deal with the same topic.
                     

Relative Pronouns and Prepositions

1. Relative pronouns

Embed one sentence inside the other using a clause starting with one of the relative pronouns listed below.

which, who, whoever, whom, that, whose

Example: Indiana used to be mainly an agricultural state. It has recently attracted more industry.

Revision: Indiana, which used to be mainly an agricultural state, has recently attracted more industry.

Example: One of the cameras was not packed very well. It was damaged during the move.

Revision: The camera that was not packed very well was damaged during the move.

More examples:

Example: The experiment failed because of Murphy's Law. This law states that if something can go wrong, it will.

Example: Doctor Ramirez specializes in sports medicine. She helped my cousin recover from a basketball injury.

3. Prepositions

Turn a sentence into a prepositional phrase using one of the words below:

about, above, across, after, against, along, among, around, as, behind, below, beneath, beside, between, by, despite, down, during, except, for, from, in, inside, near, next to, of, off, on, out, over, past, to, under, until, up, with

Example: The university has been facing pressure to cut its budget. It has eliminated funding for important programs. (two independent clauses)

Revision: Under pressure to cut its budget, the university has eliminated funding for important programs. (prepositional phrase, independent clause)

Example: Billy snuck a cookie from the dessert table. This was against his mother's wishes.

Participles

 Participles

Participles are verbs used as adjectives. Here's how:

Eliminate a be verb (am, is, was, were, are) and substitute a participle:

Present participles end in -ing, for example: speaking, carrying, wearing, dreaming.

Past participles usually end in -ed, -en, -d, -n, or -t but can be irregular, for example: worried, eaten, saved, seen, dealt, taught.

Participles are a type of verbal--a verb that can be used as an adjective. Crazy, right? 

Verbals: a verb that can turn into a noun, an adjective, or an adverb.

Poem that uses verbals:

The raging storm, replete with freezing rain,

Crashed upon my window pane.

Slipping and sliding upon concrete,

I became insecure, a retired athlete.

A known fact of life is that all things must pass.

And I’ll be as I was: a warm, purring cat.

Your task:

1. Come up with three different phrases that include a present or past participle (raging storm,burning log) (2 minutes)

      -Can't think of any? Think of any verb in its infinitive form: to swim, to bark, to kick, to cry, to break, to injure. Then add an -ed, -n, -en for past participle, or -ing for present participle: swimming, barking, kicking, crying, broken, injured. Now add any noun after your participle. There it is!

What's wrong  with this sentence?

Carrying a heavy pile of books, his foot got caught on a step.

Carrying a heavy pile of books, he caught his foot on a step.

More Practice: 

Sitting at the table, we were served pancakes and milk.

Sitting at the table, pancakes and milk were served.

Walking along the beach, there was a beautiful sunset.

Walking along the beach, I saw a beautiful sunset.

Example: Bryan was surprised to get a phone call from his sister. He was happy to hear her voice again.

Revision 1:Bryan, surprised to get a phone call from his sister, was happy to hear her voice again.

Revision 2: Surprised to get a phone call from his sister, Bryan was happy to hear her voice again.

Classwork 12/12

After our activities on clauses and the types of sentences:

1. Search for the different types of sentences in your paper
2. Locate and correct any run-ons (where two or more independent clauses are criminally smooshed together with just the use of a comma or, worse, NOTHING AT ALL)
3. Begin reading the last two letters. They start on page 126

NOTE: The 2nd letter deals with feelings or thoughts that can be dangerous to the artist
             The 3rd letter deals with ways to improve your craft, namely, seeking out mentors.

The Gifts of the Clause

Recognizing the importance of variety is important, but sometimes we don't have a clear understanding of how to produce that variety. To help with this, we're going to look at the different parts of a sentence, and eventually the different types of sentences.

Recognize a clause when you see one.

Clauses come in four types. We're only going to look at two: main [orindependent], subordinate [or dependent], . Every clause has at least a subject and a verb. Other characteristics will help you distinguish one type of clause from another.

Main Clauses

Every main clause will follow this pattern:

subject + verb = complete thought.

Here are some examples:

Lazy students whine.

Students = subject; whine = verb.

Cola spilled over the glass and splashed onto the counter.

Cola = subject; spilled, splashed = verbs.

My dog loves pizza crusts.

Dog = subject; loves = verb.

The important point to remember is that every sentence must have at least one main clause. Otherwise, you have afragment, a major error.

Subordinate Clauses

A subordinate clause will follow this pattern:

subordinate conjunction + subject + verb =incomplete thought.

Here are some examples:

Whenever lazy students whine

Whenever = subordinate conjunction; students = subject; whine = verb.

As cola spilled over the glass and splashed onto the counter

As = subordinate conjunction; cola = subject;spilled, splashed = verbs.

Because my dog loves pizza crusts

Because = subordinate conjunction; dog = subject; loves = verb.

The important point to remember about subordinate clauses is that they can never stand alone as complete sentences. To complete the thought, you must attach each subordinate clause to a main clause. Generally, the punctuation looks like this:

main clause + Ø + subordinate clause.

subordinate clause + , + main clause.

Check out these revisions to the subordinate clauses above:

Whenever lazy students whine, Mrs. Russell throws chalk erasers at their heads.

Anthony ran for the paper towels as cola spilled over the glass and splashed onto the counter.

Because my dog loves pizza crusts, he never barks at the deliveryman.

Strategies for Variety

(Adapted from Purdue OWL)

For the next few days, we're going to develop some strategies for bringing your writing to life.  When a great of your sentences have the same structure and length, your writing can become boring for your readers.

Strategies:

1. Vary the rhythm of your writing by using a combination of short and long sentences

Long sentences work well for incorporating a lot of information, and short sentences can emphasize the big ideas.

STUDY THE MODEL:

Example:

The Winslow family visited Canada and Alaska last summer to find some native American art. In Anchorage stores they found some excellent examples of soapstone carvings. But they couldn't find a dealer selling any of the woven wall hangings they wanted. They were very disappointed when they left Anchorage empty-handed.

Revision:

The Winslow family visited Canada and Alaska last summer to find some native American art, such as soapstone carvings and wall hangings. Anchorage stores had many soapstone items available. Still, they were disappointed to learn that wall hangings, which they had especially wanted, were difficult to find. Sadly, they left empty-handed.2

2. Vary Sentence Openings

If too many sentences start with the same word, especially The, It, This, or I, prose can grow repetitive for readers, so changing opening words and phrases can be refreshing.

Read the following example and a few possible revisions. Then, try to come up with your own revisions by varying the sentence opener.

The biggest coincidence that day happened when David and I ended up sitting next to each other at the Super Bowl.

POSSIBLE REVISIONS:

• What are the odds that I would have ended up sitting right next to David at the Super Bowl?
• When I sat down at the Super Bowl, I realized that, by sheer coincidence, I was directly next to David.
• At the crowded Super Bowl, packed with 50,000 screaming fans, David and I ended up sitting right next to each other by sheer coincidence.

 

Now, find good examples of sentence variety in the first letter of "Letters to a Young Artist."

HW: Find a section from your draft that could use a healthy combination of varied sentence lengths. Rewrite the revision where there is empty space on your draft, or on a separate sheet of paper.  Also, find a section where you use the bland sentence openers repeatedly. Vary one of them. The revision can go right on the paper!

Sharing Anecdotes and Analogies

1. Share your anecdotes or analogies with someone nearby
2. Discuss whether or not they are accurate and effective uses of both rhetorical devices